


ponder

by pq2



Category: Persona 2, Persona Series
Genre: F/F, How Do I Tag, Pining, Regret, tatsuya is mentioned but as deja vu kid so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:09:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27209410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pq2/pseuds/pq2
Summary: ulala prepares for a date with maya and wonders about the feelings she's harbored towards her all this time
Relationships: Amano Maya/Serizawa Ulala
Kudos: 7





	ponder

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic wow! its mostly for me to get into the groove of writing - if theres any inconsistencies im sorry im not too fluent in ep. ulamayas im kissing you on the lips platonically

You would wait an eternity just to see her- even if you had to wait stuck in this apartment for an eternity more, as anticlimactic as the cramped space was. While her room was the pinnacle of everything cluttered, messy, and disorder at its finest- you couldn’t bring yourself to constantly criticize it. It had its own charm- even while you could cook and keep yours at least decent, seeing a stray file slide under the door was sometimes a surprise, welcome or not. 

In the meantime, there was only so much you could do in anticipation. Your hair, as long and uncontrollable as it was, could only be contained by the highest usage of gel to reach the shape it was. Sometimes, there was a fair amount of disappointment involved- to be able to have hair in such a high-reaching, dyed bun, chemicals were involved; at this point it could be surmised your hair is on the brink of chemical death. It looked just good enough for her to hopefully notice, you thought, but sometimes it was difficult to dismiss the comments of men that you would hear from time to time, and for now you could only stare at an illuminated mirror and tuck away stray strands. 

What you wore sometimes drew away the attention of said men- black dresses with laced sleeves and skirts- and it made you angry. There was effort put into those works, and you sewed them all by hand! Grumbling at the thought, you adjusted the dress you had on- it was one of your best efforts of incorporating spiderwebs into fabric. The only person that appreciated it, as much as you had envied her to the point of violence- was Maya Amano herself. 

You grit your teeth at the thought. You had admired her to the point of inventive jealousy, and not in any way you are proud of. If only you hadn’t been drunk that night, so angry at that night- if only someone had taken away your phone, nothing could have happened. You couldn’t have hurt her while she was on your mind all the time, from how every person she talked to was just so nice with her, to how she didn’t have those aggressive outbursts like you did. She was perfect! She was perfect in every sense, or so you had thought, and she plagued your mind and heart to which you couldn’t see the fine line between unjustified hatred and jealous love. 

You hadn’t at all realized you had fallen head over heels for her, and with that fall, into a spiral of disgusting abhorrence. 

She was always so nice to her as much as you could be bitter and cold to her, and it angered you at times, though how she said it was so caring, and it baffled you! How much would you have to push her away to stop, how much would you have to think and talk about her and how she was better than you. Most of the time, it was kept to yourself- however, there was a time you snapped. Recalling the incident with Joker was nothing but a needle in your chest, and hearing Igor’s talk of having to control yourself, to control the Joker infection…. 

It was almost embarrassing at that moment. She was there, watching you! Your heart and feelings were all laid out for her to see, of why you called from a drunken spur of impulse. In that moment of vulnerability- you could have wished for her to look with that same caring and fond gaze as the one you envied. Even to let her hold you felt like a violation to the anger you felt all this time- not her ability to be popular with the men, her job, or whatever, but her in herself. 

You loved Maya and you hadn’t admitted the fact until now. 

Thinking about it all hadn’t let you realize you were clenching on a nearby eyeliner pencil to the point it looked close to giving out, some of the gel liner in your hands. The mark it left reminded you of that strange boy that she kept on talking about and thinking about- that Deja Vu kid. It was hard to admit it added another layer of jealousy onto everything that you had felt.  
You took an old makeup wipe from the table and wiped off the liner, some of the makeup still stuck on your palm. It was waterproof, after all, and had to be if you wanted to ever line your lips and fill them in with black lipstick when the occasion called for it. There were other forms of makeup lying around- concealer, eyeshadow- and of course most of it has been used, especially for the occasion at hand. As much as you could dress yourself and as much as you could make the perfect wing on your eye- you just hoped that you could compare to Maya, in how she had so much beauty within herself and her smile…

You back onto the seat by the dresser with a deep sigh, putting your legs onto the table since no one was really watching. The boots you wore made a satisfying clank with their heavy bottoms, shaking the objects on the dresser and nearly throwing the cell phone on the dresser to the floor, which you had to nearly juggle to catch in a haste. 

Knowing her number by heart was an embarrassing show of affection that you wouldn’t really reveal until prompted, but you were absolutely tempted to dial her number and ask where she was. If she was okay and if she was coming by soon… It was hard to trust her to drive, anyway- You sometimes worried for her life whenever she went onto busy highways. 

Staring at the near-blank screen did reap benefits, though, in all your waiting. It lit up and buzzed the broken song you had as your ringtone- you couldn’t remember the source- and answered promptly. 

“Hello?” You heard from the other side of the phone, crunched and compressed by poor phone quality. Sometimes even hearing her voice sent something through you that you couldn’t describe, as much as it sounded halfway like static. 

“Yeah, hey, I’m here. Everything good?” Your leg bounced on the table causing a small earthquake upon nail polish bottles. 

“Yes! I’m almost there, I’ll be there in a second-“ half of the message was drowned out by the sound of a truck passing by. Your concern was increasing by the second, though you did trust her. She was capable, after all. 

“Alright, stay safe please” You didn’t want to drag on the conversation after hearing the loud sound of whirring wheels or what you could have sworn to be a honking horn from another direction. You pressed the button to hang up with a satisfying click and went back to your less-than-patient anticipation, her voice giving you all the incentives to stay and wait here. What were you, a bride? It almost felt like it with all the staying put, with how you couldn’t see her yet. You didn’t dwell too much on it, but the thoughts of marriage did send a rush of heat through your face. 

Clicking the buttons on your cell absentmindedly to pass the time, you tucked more hair within the reaches of your bun and crunched loose strands in the back that had been bathed in gel.  
The seconds turned to minutes, but never to hours- a cacophony of mashing buttons was soon joined by the knocks on the door. 

Three knocks in succession. You nearly jumped out of your seat, the rush of adrenaline nearly leaving you to nearly crush your phone with your hands if it wasn’t on the floor after the sudden jolt. Thankfully the walls between your room and hers was thick enough and away enough from the door that she wouldn’t have to see you in such a state. 

You quickly got up and adjusted yourself, picking up the phone from the floor and shoving it into your pocket- if you could make these dresses, you included what you wanted, after all. You pulled up your boots, huffed deeply, and punched the air- you noted how silly it would look to someone who was watching.  
Quickly, you slammed open the door to your room, navigating by the sea of extreme clutter and mess, your boot sometimes slipping on an old magazine or a photo. At this point, nearly stomping to the door, you set your right in front of the doorway. 

There was still the rush going through your veins- to greet her, to see her again even if it hadn’t been long. The person you would see now, in all her beauty- her kindness, her loveliness, how she struck a chord so deep into your heart that you went mad with jealousy and anger. 

You opened the door, stepping out to immediately grasp the hand of your lover.

**Author's Note:**

> ulala's ringtone is basically this https://youtu.be/-uAZdIJIl8o  
> look at these queens you bet maya is dressed up just as gay. ulala im so happy you got over your comphet you say the gayest things in the world


End file.
